Life on Camazotz
Life on Camazotz |
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| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 04:12 pm (no subject) | |||
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I have a show tonight. 9:30 p.m. at the St. Paul Eagles Club, 287 Maria Avenue. Please be there if you can. Other things that I have: - - a wonderful and loving husband who is nevertheless EXTREMELY overoptimistic about our housing situation - a very naughty cat - a lease that is almost up - roommates who are reaching the end of their patience and about to disown me entirely, and rightfully so - a rented duplex that is nearly impossible to live in already and about to get worse by filling with boxes that may or may not ever have someplace to move to - landlords who are breathing down my neck about when we're moving out, which I can't tell them - movers who are pushing me to give them a move date that I can't provide - a good job that is completely fed up with my inability to tell them when I will be out of the office to complete the move that I can't tell them a date for even FIVE MONTHS after our offer was submitted - a great real estate agent who is completely sick of getting emails from me - dozens of boxes full of CDs that won't sell - an alarmingly empty performance calendar, which is not helping with that box thing at all - an email outbox full of messages to booking agents that are basically the equivalent of shouting into the void for all the response I get, even with people who have booked me many times before - basically no hope left - no energy left to do anything at all except bull ahead in the same old direction Again I repeat: if you are thinking about buying a house, seriously consider whether you want your life RUINED before you do. I would not wish this process on my worst enemy. | ||
| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 04:00 am Disaster Voyeurism | |||
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| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 01:00 pm (no subject) | |||
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I archived and purged the ol' ElJay today, everything from November 2002 to the present. Safely backed up (in several locations!) but gone from the Interwebs forever. This was by no means a rash decision. I've had a task in my todo list labeled "Archive/Delete LJ" for months. It was simply time to clean house. A blog is a transitory, throwaway media, being bytes recorded on hard drives in distant data warehouses. The content wasn't meant to last forever. And, more importantly, while I haven't written much in eons, what I have written, especially pre-2006, was a product of the time it was created. Its purpose now is not for public consumption but limited to my own nostalgia. Perhaps, I'm just not comfortable enough with my old writing to keep it on display indefinitely. I'll keep writing. In fact, I hope with a clean slate I will write more here than I have in a long time. | ||
| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 06:57 am did you know that PROFESSION MEMBERS do it IN A WAY INDICATIVE OF SOME ASPECT OF THEIR PROFESSION | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 10:18 am this also works for batman and mickey mouse, but seriously, who goes around referencing mickey mouse | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 10:12 am (no subject) | |||
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Current Mood:
I'm thinking of a new hairstyle. I kind of want to do something dramatic and edgy. And I want to keep it short. But for all the guys out there who whine about long hair being gorgeous (and WHY do guys never mention that to a girl until AFTER she chops her hair off?) I'm thinking of maybe growing my hair out again this autumn. creativeSo, for now I'm thinking about a haircut like one of these. ( Pics of Haircuts for those who are interested. ) | ||
| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 08:50 am Made for TV movie | |||
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| ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) | ||
| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 11:37 am Request | |||
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| My mom is having surgery this morning... It's a pretty basic procedure, but not without risk. If you are of the sort who does such things, can you please send good vibes her way when you read this? Spain is still good, still low-key. It is pretty lovely to not have any really complicated responsibilities for once, though I think I will be ready to leave the finca when the time comes. We are probably leaving next Saturday, and heading straight to Morocco (camel safari!!), and then making our way back to Madrid by way of Granada. Should be fun, but I do miss my life and my friends too. The less time I spend online, the harder I find it to organize my thoughts in front of the computer so I don't have a heck of a lot to say. Hope you are all doing well. | ||
| Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 01:58 am From Twitter 07-16-2009 | |||
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| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 05:55 pm Al Franken: Confirmation Expert | |||
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| Of course Franken was on the Supreme Court Confirmation Committee -- he's done it before! | ||
| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 03:43 pm Podcasting on the Brain | |||
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Current Mood:
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) accomplished | ||
| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 03:09 pm Convention overload | |||
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Current Mood:
Having CONvergence and the American Library Association Annual Conference back to back this month almost killed me. Normally I like the excitement of meeting new people and learning new things but I have learned I need nice long breaks in between events for me to absorb information and recover from people. Since I live alone with two cats I'm used to alot of privacy and down time, two things I have been lacking for about two weeks now. I'm just now starting to get energized again. tiredThe only difference in 2010 is that ALA Annual will happen the weekend before CONvergence instead of the weekend after it. I'm going to have to start an extensive workout regime so I can at least physically recover from the whole thing more quickly! But oh, I did have fun at both conventions. More on that later if I'm able... | ||
| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 03:58 pm I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! | |||
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If you told people that we have no idea what is going on in their brain, but that they could take a drug that would make them feel different and might help to suppress their thoughts and feelings, then many people might choose to avoid taking drugs if they could.They might. But I started taking an anti-depressant a few weeks ago knowing all of this and I did it anyway. I definitely agree that there needs to be more widespread education and increased awareness of how psychiatric drugs work, and don’t work. But I was well-informed and I was still happy to swap the mental state I was in for the contents of a lucky dip bag. We don’t just do this because we’re stupid, and an altered state can be a vast improvement. | ||
| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 02:59 pm Well it depends on what your definition of "good" is... | |||
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Current Music: Test Match Special of course
And on the subject of my sporty clothes, when I stopped to pick up my sunglasses (which are ready three weeks later than my normal glasses and almost two weeks later than I was originally told they would be) the guy who helped me out said, “That’s the first Portsmouth top I’ve ever seen!” *I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that, but luckily he quickly moved on to something even more nonplussing: “Is it a good top to have, Portsmouth?” I was only glad it was me he was asking rather than, oh, say, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} wildheartofire. I laughed and said, “Well, I think it is!” * All shinydan‘s fault, it goes without saying. | ||
| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 08:37 am (no subject) | |||
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|  Not my horse. But it's too cute not to share. Thought it'd help brighten the day. | ||
| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 02:34 pm Special | |||
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Current Music: Test Match Special of course
I actually lingered outside a shop I was going into so I could hear my beloved Duckworth-Lewis Method sing “Test Match Special” (probably my favorite on the album anyway) live on Test Match Special, before I had to go inside and take the headphones out of my ears. I just sat in the sunshine grinning (in my football top, baseball cap, and basketball shoes... I’m very sports-ecumenical today). | ||
| Jul. 16th, 2009 @ 09:57 am Somebody | |||
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Somebody stole the wind in my hair. Somebody stole the way my legs burn when I’m going up a hill. Somebody stole my independence, my freedom from sporadic buses that are never going quite where I am. Somebody stole the best way to get to my boyfriend’s house. Somebody stole a method of exercise so fun I don’t even think it counts as exercise. Somebody stole my bike. And it’s not the two wheels I’m crying for, the broken seat, the wonky brakes that are squeaking like a small animal being murdered these days. It’s the freedom and fun, taken from me by people whose apparent nastiness upsets me even though I know I shouldn’t take it personally. Somebody stole my bike, and I didn’t know how much I’d come to love it until now. | ||
| Jul. 15th, 2009 @ 10:24 pm (no subject) | |||
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| Once, I met people and we had common ground. Stupid people, being awesome - how do you go back to knockoffs after having the real thing? | ||
| Jul. 15th, 2009 @ 09:54 pm 2009 Movies! | |||
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| #55: South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut #56: I Accuse My Parents (MST3K version) | ||
| Jul. 15th, 2009 @ 03:18 pm Judgement | |||
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Current Mood:
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, when the topic of being "non-judgemental" came up. I feel that this term can not be applied to me; even though it's considered a virtue by many, it's not something I feel compelled to strive towards. I am often judgemental. It comes instantly, without thought without any chance to bypass it. I do, however, try my best to act in a non-judgemental way until I feel I have most of the facts. And I also try to "forgive?" people who've I judged as misbehaving, inappropriate or lacking. thoughtfulAnd I'm hesitant to accept "being non-judgemental" as a personal goal. Maybe part of the problem is that I have a hard time deciphering between "overly permissive" and "non-judgemental" Maybe I'm just not old enough/experianced enough to truly become someone who doesn't judge others. And maybe, because I listen for more information after having made my initial judgement (which does occasionally change) I'm just splitting hairs. | ||
| Jul. 15th, 2009 @ 12:19 pm midway through this comic i had to do a search to see if people actually said "beach bunny". the mo | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Jul. 15th, 2009 @ 04:00 am Sheeple | |||
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| Jul. 14th, 2009 @ 01:39 pm of cons and cats | |||
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Freaking cats, seriously. This morning I was getting some toilet paper out of our hall closet and Hillary tried to go zooming in just as the door was closing, which resulted in the door getting closed on her (I didn't see her until she was already halfway in). I flung it open right away and checked her over, and she didn't seem to be hurt or in pain or behaving differently than normal, but I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to observe her (I was already running late for work as it was), and cats are really good at hiding pain. So now I'm worrying/obsessing over whether getting bumped/squeezed by the closet door hurt her and if I should take her to the emergency vet again. I know they wouldn't laugh at me if I did, but I really don't have time unless I blow off band practice tonight, which I would rather not do unless she were in manifest mortal peril of a sort that I really doubt could happen from being lightly squished by a closing door (I wasn't slamming it or anything, but of course she's a lot smaller than me...). Now I'm starting to wonder if I actually should get cats of my own when we move because I seriously just worry about her all the time since the incident with her tooth. )c: Will somebody who knows about cats please advise me as to what I should do here, both with Hillary and/or in general? ( I'm gonna just write about Convergence now instead. Better late than never I hope. ) | ||
| Jul. 14th, 2009 @ 10:06 am Pain and Energy | |||
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| I got a massage last night. It was, actually the first time I've ever gotten a professional massage. I wish I could say it felt heavenly, but it didn't. It wasn't supposed to. I went in and asked for a deep tissue massage to relieve the pain in my neck/shoulders/upper back. However the therapist did a very good job. Afterwards I had energy enough to go to the gym, work out a little bit, then I hit the steam room. Today I feel much better; still achy but without the PAIN! It surprised me how much being in pain (and trying to ignore it) sapped my energy. After the back rub I felt more awake, having more energy and oddly enough my sinuses seemed clearer. This is leading me to wander down interesting thought paths. Where do pain, energy and joy connect? Which runs parallel to what? How can I use to aforementioned things to increase my health? And why, when I know how interrelated they are, is it so hard to remember that they influence eachother. | ||
| Jul. 14th, 2009 @ 04:59 am BOTTOM LINE: it is almost 2010 and i know everyone has mentioned this already, but a personal jetpac | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 07:19 pm Everything sounds better Autotuned | |||
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| Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 06:51 pm how'd you find me, how did I find you? | |||
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Hey folks, Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters are playing a show this Friday, July 17 at the St. Paul Eagles Club! (Location: 287 Maria Avenue, St. Paul) This is kind of the CD release after the CD release seeing as how not all of you were able to be at Convergence. This is an electric show with the PCs taking the stage at 9:30 p.m. Also performing on this night (starting at 7:30) are Nancy Olson, AnaKata Combo, Lower 48, and Auburn. There is a suggested donation of $5 at the door. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come out and support us, and buy a CD if you haven't already! Also, the following night, I will be drumming and mandolin-ing with Candles Enough at the Acadia Cafe at the rather unusual time of 9:50 p.m. This show also features Derek Lutrell, Whitney Mann, and One Fast Move, with music starting at 9 p.m. Cover is $3. So if you're like me and two nights of music in a row sounds awesome, come out again and hear Candles Enough! After that there is a big PCs/Feng Shui Ninjas/Candles Enough/some other band show at the Terminal Bar on July 30, and then maybe nothing until September?? I'm still desperately trying to book shows for this summer and fall and promote Apocalypse Blues while still getting everything in order for my move in a few weeks, so if you know of any venues that are looking for bands, please lend me a hand and let me know. | ||
| Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 03:40 pm t-rex your theory is pretty basic and seems entirely plausible | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 03:55 pm More good and bad | |||
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The morning started well enough, trended bad, picked up again, went South again and now seems back to mediocrity, pending reactions. ( The details are trivial and pointless. The reasons, as always, purely human ones. ) | ||
| Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 07:43 pm I’m officially pissed at Northwest Airlines | |||
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| Nothing like faceless bureaucracies to really help a guy out when he’s ill. Really. Nothing. Take Northwest Airlines (or Delta or whatever the hell they are at the moment) as a shining non-example. Last Tuesday I flew to Montréal for GECCO (one of the really big conferences in my research area). I was supposed to fly to DC yesterday for an NSF review panel today and tomorrow. I would then fly back to MSP on Wednesday. Unfortunately I became quite ill yesterday morning, starting with diarrhea, and then adding vomiting just in case I hadn’t gotten everything out of my system. As a result I took what I thought was the fairly wise decision of not flying to DC for the panel. The one relevant study I found indicated that after surveying 1,000s of people, they only found one would actually wanted to sit for several hours in a small tin can thousands of feet in the air next to someone who was busily ejecting all their gastro-intestinal contents. And that one lucky customer thought they were Napoleon. So, you might think that I was doing the airline industry a favor by not bravely struggling to the airport, puking at the ticket counter, and racing to the toilet the moment I boarded their flight. They apparently see it differently. The folks at the NSF have kindly told me to skip the whole panel thing and go home and recuperate. Most of the panel’s work is being done today, so there’s not much point showing up tomorrow, etc., etc. My insides are behaving today, but I’m still quite weak and run down, so I’m planning to stay here the rest of the day and head home tomorrow. I called Northwest Airlines to see what we could work out. Twice. Same stupid answer both times. They insist on flying me back to MSP via DC “because that’s how my original ticket was set up”. I’m sick. I just want to get the hell home. They have a direct flight to MSP from Montréal. Put me on it. Please? No. “Can I put you on hold to see what we can work out with ticketing?” “Sure.” <Polite language that translates to “You’re screwed.”> And they wanted $200 in penalties for the privilege of six hours of travel instead of two. Oh, and the chance to see the inside of DC National again for a bit. Thanks. Really. Thanks. 200 frickin dollars to put a sick person on the slow boat to Minnesota. This is the finest customer service money can buy, apparently. I did this twice, with identical results. I was so pissed the first time that I announced that I was going to buy a one way ticket from some other airline (any other airline) and hung up. I’m generally extremely polite with these people, because they’re powerless drones passing along bad news they have no control over. I suspect on their scale of asshole-ness, I was still really polite, but I did feel a little bit bad about it after I hung up. A phone call was placed to the center of all wisdom and common sense (aka WeatherGirl), and we discussed the situation. It would in fact cost me over $500 to fly back on another airline, and that had a stop in Philidelphia; the best non-stop was over $800. Ugh. Crow was therefore eaten, and I called Northwest back and said I’d take the $200 “deal” (hence the second call). Ugh again. And to DC I go. Because of the DC leg, there’s no plausible routing that gets me to MSP for the last (3 hour) shuttle ride back to Morris. The current plan is for my remarkably generous family to drive out to pick me up (7 or 8 hours of their life I don’t get to bill to anyone). Otherwise I’ll start shopping around contacts in the Cities and see if someone will let a sick puppy sleep on a couch tomorrow night and take the shuttle Wednesday. I’m sure there are a thousand reasons by their bureaucracy “needs” me to go through DC, but none of them make a damn bit of sense. I’ve heard this sort of “logic” before, and it’s the same stuff lazy software developers use to justify why something “can’t be done”, which what they really mean is “We can’t be bothered”. I suspect the big issue may be that the middle leg (Montréal to DC) is on United, and United is gonna want a pound of flesh from Northwest regardless. So instead of working with me, or trying to work with United, Northwest insists on making United fly me to DC so the corporate accounting plays out in the end. Damn. At least I have a good health care plan. Watching this amazing Bill Moyers interview with Wendell Potter makes one despair for the capitalism that is running rampant across the globe, and all the misfortunates being trodden under foot in the process. In that perspective I’m damn privileged. I think I’m going to eat some more of the fruit from this morning’s breakfast and take a nap. I’ve got a long day tomorrow and need my rest. | ||
| Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 08:50 am < nerd > | |||
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| Peter Bagge is going to be at the FallCon comic convention October 10-11 at the State Fairgrounds! < /nerd > | ||
| Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 04:00 am Tab Explosion | |||
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| Jul. 12th, 2009 @ 06:25 pm Firefly: Black Cat Blues - 6.16 Reunified | |||
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Current Location: 55414
( Firefly: Black Cat Blues - 6.16 Reunified )Current Mood:  productiveCurrent Music: Soul Miner's Daughter - Never Called It Home | ||
| Jul. 12th, 2009 @ 03:02 pm On Vox: Miscellany | |||
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| I have this terrible habit of throwing miscellaneous items into paper bags with the intent of going through it sometime in the near future. Of course, what ends up happening is they sit on the floor for 18 months and then I recycle 80% of what is in them. I just went through a bag that was full of things that expired in 2007. Fail. In other news, I might buy this bike tomorrow:
It's been a year and a day since I came back from Australia. Monica leaves for Europe today. MKT summertime hiatus in effect. Not sure what to do with myself! When I think too long about it, my brain fills up with this cacophony: KARATELESSONSVOLUNTEERINGATTHEWILDLIFERE In an hour I'm going to play the trombone for Live Action Set at Barbette's Bastille Day Party. I definitely don't have the most skillz, but I bet I'll have the most fashionz. Which is pretty sad, actually. I'd like to point out also that Sundays are the hardest days for me. They are so open & free, which is always what I'm daydreaming about, but I spend the day largely puttering around and eating unhealthy food. I guess I've been productive today: priced out all the bikes I'm interested in and the additional components I'd want, recycled a bunch of useless and annoying paper, finished A Sand County Almanac, and I'm going to be performing AND going to a party after, but STILL. Sunday. HARD. Time management? Not my strong suit. Also I should really learn to effing relax already. Originally posted on sparkling-robots.vox.com | ||
| Jul. 12th, 2009 @ 02:00 pm Discussion about Twitter feeds on LJ | |||
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Current Mood:
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) busy | ||
| Jul. 12th, 2009 @ 12:54 pm Firefly: Black Cat Blues - 6.15 The Apprentice | |||
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Current Location: 55414
( Firefly: Black Cat Blues - 6.15 The Apprentice )Current Mood:  annoyedCurrent Music: Eliza Carthy - Blow The Winds/The Game of Draughts | ||
| Jul. 12th, 2009 @ 08:13 am Challenged | |||
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| “What makes you think you’re partially sighted?” the optician asked, looking at the pen she was hovering over the paper more than she was me. I had always expected this to be an uphill battle. I’ve spent three and a half years not trying to do anything to make myself -- or my eyes, at least -- Officially Wonky in the UK, as shinydan called them once. And indeed it’s only through his nudging (or, okay, dragging me along actually) that I’d gotten this far, making a regular appointment at a regular optician’s but asking them to start the process of getting me the British equivalent of my “legally blind” status in the US. Here it’s called “registered blind,” so I figure if there’s a register I want to be on it. I thought once I got my butt in the chair it’d be easy, but here I’ve just sat down and we’re still going through the paperwork and she’s asking why I think I am partially sighted? L’esprit d’escalier is strong with this one. All week in relating this story to friends I’ve been thinking of comebacks I should’ve used, laughing as I suggest things like “Because I can’t see as many things as other people?” Which of course immediately sets me putting philosophical roadblocks in my way. “How do you know other people can see more than you? You have only their word for it? What if it’s all an elaborate ruse, Holly?” An elaborate ruse is even better than a clever ruse. How I love the word ruse! But the more I think about it the less funny it is, the more unnerving. Being “visually impaired” or “partially sighted” or whatever I’m supposed to call it this week, has been a facet of my life for as long as I can remember. And before I can remember, I was blind. Properly blind, no “what makes you think you are...” about it. Partial sight is actually a step up for me. It’s pretty impressive. I sorta feel it’s one of the more massive achievements in my life even though I didn’t do anything to achieve sight, it just happened that one day my dad turned on a light and I, about six months old, looked up at it. I looked up at it! I’d never done that before. (The doctors at the Mayo Clinic, which I was seemingly dragged to every five minutes in my childhood and which is singlehandedly responsible for my eye-doctor phobia, never did figure out how the hell I can see anything -- or, if they did, they never told me. Which sounds very likely; they never told me they recorded my left eye as being the stronger one and this error wasn’t discovered until for some reason I once went to the St. Paul Children’s Hospital when I was maybe ten or so and they were astonished to see their results didn’t match up with my records and asked me about it. I was astonished too; no one had ever thought of asking me which eye was better or even telling me what they were scribbling down on the pieces of paper with my name at the top. I was, after all, only a kid. Really only a goldfish in a bowl, someone for teams of medical students to stare at; they clearly didn’t see cases like mine very often.) Sorry, this entry would be long enough without the rants but I can’t help but get overexcited on this particular subject. I explained about having been born blind, I gave her the names of the things wrong with my eyes and she wrote them down without a word. She did the usual tests and asked a few questions and said, “Your vision is a bit down but I’m not sure it’s enough...” She promised to check it out for me and said she’d give me a call if she could write a letter to my GP, the next step in the process of getting me registered blind. But she emphasized that if she couldn’t do anything more I wouldn’t hear from her. I didn’t say much but the more I thought about this the more uncomfortable it made me feel. I can’t tell how much of it was feeling fobbed off -- she clearly wasn’t interested in helping me find out if I can be registered blind in the UK -- and how much this was just a total reversal of how this dialogue had gone heretofore. My whole life I’ve had my parents, my “vision consultant” and my caseworker emphasizing how blind I am. Well, how visually impaired. Blindy blind blind, that’s you Holly, they said. You shouldn’t be writing with pencils, you should have these pens with erasable ink, which since this is only the mid-eighties are going to be rubbish, with gooey messy ink that smells weird, thus ostracizing you even more from your fellow first- and second-graders who have it drilled into them that they’re never allowed to use pens in their schoolwork; you’re not allowed not to. You can’t see pencil marks as well, they told me. They didn’t ask. You shouldn’t be reading books, Holly, they told me. Even though I read voraciously in all my spare time, having little else to do, and with no apparent harm to my eyes. They put my textbooks on tape when I was in seventh grade, explaining that now that I was in middle school there’d be a lot more reading to do and I just couldn’t possibly cope as well as I thought I could, and more importantly I didn’t have to because these tapes were there. And a special weird player to play them on; you couldn’t use normal ones. It was the early ninties now so the special cassette player was the size of a briefcase but heavier. And it stayed in our closet until I had to give it back at the end of the school year, forgoing the hellish efforts of fast-forwarding the tape to the story I had to read for my English class which was always on a random page like 740. Who listens to seventh-grade literature books all the way through? I pity the poor soul who had to read that and am relieved they don’t know it was never any use to me. I had “adaptive” phy ed, which pulled me out of class to play kickball with kids with learning disabilities. I didn’t like it but I knew better than to make a fuss and anyway it got me out of class for half an hour; I always hoped it’d be during math. I had “orientation and mobility” which made me ride buses by myself even though this is easy and tedious and lectured me about crossing the street when I heard the sound of the traffic next to me rather than looking for when the light turned green like I usually do. I was given a “monocular” which is like half a set of binoculars and kind of came in handy before I had my glasses (I didn’t have any until I was eleven; my mom thought they would make my eyes lazy so she was very much against the idea) for reading the blackboard but again the teasing and even well-meaning attention it got me from the other kids meant I kept it hidden away in my desk most of the time. When I went on the little trips with the other “visually impaired” kids (this being the only thing I did like about being blind; this time you’d get out of school for a whole day and do things like go-karting and going to a Twins game and riding on a little Cessna (I even got to steer it! very briefly) and that kind of thing) I saw people who managed to use monoculars and other such stuff with grace and ease, and I marveled at them. It was a comfortable tool to them, an extension of their own body. But compared to the other visually impaired kids I could see damn well actually, and the adaptations that worked so well for them were awkward and useless for me. I had all this stuff, none of it asked for, and rarely welcome. Whenever I tried to point out that I could read fine, I could see pencil lines fine, I can see traffic lights fine, I can see kickballs fine, I was told that there were all these things to keep my life from being so much work and I should take advantage of them. I think the adults did expect me to be in denial and worried about being different at ages where that really matters. Plus I was just a kid, so they didn’t listen to me. None of them: my parents, teachers, specialists... I recognized even at the time that most, if not all, ignored me with the best of intentions and I didn’t resent them. Much. It was just something I had to accept. And now here I sit, grudgingly admitting to all the things I’ve been told, blindy blind blind, only to be told “your vision’s down” (which makes it sound as if it were up before and it’s just taken a dip) “but I’m not sure it’s enough.” I might not be partially-sighted enough to be partially sighted! It’s been almost two weeks and I still can’t wrap my head around this. This part wasn’t supposed to be the problem. I’m not sure what to think: is this what I should have expected? Despite having it pounded into my head that I am visually impaired, as I said I always noticed that I was less blind than the other blind kids. I don’t always feel disabled or think of myself as disabled; I can go hours and days without remembering that I can’t see as well as other people, which I know is a luxury that lots of disabled people don’t have. Lots of what I’m tempted to call “real” disabled people. But I know this is a common thread too, the person who thinks they’re not as affected as those “proper” disabled people... Or is it just a facet of how difficult it is for people to get the help and support they’re entitled to? I’ve witnessed that myself; just lately a friend of mine who’s no more disabled than she used to be has suddenly been granted a higher level of DLA and all kinds of bennies like free travel passes. Which she should’ve had a long time ago, and nothing’s changed now except before they said she couldn’t have it and now they’re saying she can. And I’m not after much myself; I need few or no modifications, possibly just a little understanding or awareness in those around me. I can happily work -- I actually had to fight for the job I have now since occy health thought I was much too blind to do it, and they were terribly patronizing -- and the most I’d possibly hope for is a free travel pass of my own; I’m not out to sponge off the system, even if I am a dirty immigrant. I havne’t heard back from the optician and I suspect I won’t, but friends who know about this kind of thing have told me that I should ask my GP for a referral to the eye hospital and get them to have a look at me. Not for the free travel pass so much as having a proper record in this country, a baseline state of what my eyes are like when they’re at their best so if anything were to happen they’d know I’m never going to be eagle-eyed. Which I agree is probably a good idea though it’s utterly terrifying to me thanks to those childhood traumas at the Mayo Clinic and I’ve told them they’re all gonna have to go with me to make sure I don’t run away. They’re understanding and reassuring and lovely about this; I have good friends. So I’m not done with this yet. I still feel weird, though. | ||
| Jul. 12th, 2009 @ 01:59 am From Twitter 07-11-2009 | |||
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| Jul. 11th, 2009 @ 02:06 pm 2009 Movies! | |||
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| #53: Moon Damn, this was good. About damn time we get a good hard sci-fi movie without any supernatural or magical bullshit (I'm looking at you, Sunshine!) #54: Bruno Awesome. A great skewering of homophobic assholes and the cult of celebrity. | ||
| Jul. 11th, 2009 @ 11:22 am The Post Before The CONvergence 2009 Wrap-Up Post(s) | |||
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Current Mood:
Loved CONvergence 2009. Loved it. It was simultaneously more relaxed and more busy than CONvergences of past, which is interesting. My experience only included a couple of minor screw-ups, the douchebaggery that some friends of mine encountered never intersected my world. I don't know whether to be grateful or sympathetic about that. But personally, I thought it was one of the better ones. sickAlas, I will not be summarizing my weekend just yet, as I have been smited with some terrible con crud. I don't normally get con crud, so this is kind of a shock. Sort of a head cold with major weakness and lethargy symptoms. Workwise, I'm covering for an absent co-worker, plus I have some serious deadlines to meet. And rehearsals for 33 Dates are going to be quite frequent, because... well... we need them. So I can't really declare a sick day and moan and groan with some chicken soup and silly television. I'm just trudging through. I have two urgent tasks I must accomplish today: grocery shopping and mowing the lawn. Would it be better to hit Cub and sneeze all over the produce, or use a bladed machine while having a high likelihood of passing out? These are the dilemmas of the busy and sick. | ||
| Jul. 11th, 2009 @ 03:17 pm Brian Cox Watch! | |||
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This time he is presenting a show on the Moon landings. I’ve grown up knowing the details, a childhood spent reading books about astronomy when I should have been asleep ensured that. But what stuck in my mind most vividly was my dad telling me one night when we were looking up at the Moon of going outside after watching Apollo 11 on TV, looking up at the Moon, and thinking “there are guys walking around on there tonight.” Seven years ago, around this time of year, I remember thinking that I was the same age my dad had been that night. And I was frustrated that the Moon seemed further away than ever. It seems so old-fashioned, you hear so much about how we got to the Moon and back on less computer power than is in my mobile phone and so on, and yet still so futuristic. So, well, alien to me. I can’t really imagine what it was like for my dad or anybody else watching it, being there, not knowing what was going to happen as I do. They showed a longer section of Apollo 11’s landing than I think I might have ever seen, and I was utterly captivated by it, even now in 2009 in my pajamas, knowing it would all end in the excruciatingly well-known speech. Even now I gotta say there’s no way NASA will get to the Moon in the next decade, and if someone tried to give JFK’s famous speech now he’d be lambasted by the lefties as much as by Fox News, with everybody complaining that the money could be better spent. That’s what cancelled the last three Apollo missions in the seventies, and the public perspective hasn’t changed since. I don’t think governmental endeavors are the natural home for spaceflight; I think the future’s gotta be the likes of Richard Branson and space tourism. And perhaps another space race, between China and Japan or India. Still the secretive communist nation and the excitable technological innovators. This seems to be the only way anything gets done; the more I think about it the more remarkable it is that the Russians never even bothered to send anybody to the Moon. It wasn’t really about science or exploration, it was just about teaching the dirty capitalists a lesson. Only adds to the bittersweet feeling I get watching this footage now. Endearingly, Brian Cox talks a lot about the importance of the TV footage in attracting the public imagination, in the power of the narrative of going to the Moon and of exploring space generally, of the importance of exploration and inspiration and “the pioneering spirit” and all this stuff I care about. But mostly, the power of story. | ||
| Jul. 11th, 2009 @ 01:59 am From Twitter 07-10-2009 | |||
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| Jul. 11th, 2009 @ 07:48 am I'd rather be fishin' | |||
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Today some part of me is still five, straining sympathetically with my Snoopy fishing pole as if it were an extention of my own body, struggling to turn the handle on the reel. “I can’t do it,” I told my dad between clenched teeth. “You’ll have to take it.” My dad just watched me from his seat behind me, his expression impassive (I couldn’t turn to look, my concentration all needed on getting this fish in the boat before the pole broke, but I knew the look I’d see if I could have looked at him), mildly telling me that I would be fine. I really didn’t believe him, but there was nothing I could do about it. And then when the fish was finally pulled out of the water,flopping miserably, it was my fish. The guy who ran the resort we were at then used to tack polaroids of lots of people holding up their catch, mostly middle-aged guys in life jackets they never zipped up, stoically holding a stringer of northern pike. The picture of me, I well remember, is of a little girl in a zipup hoodie from Fleet Farm, arm tense with the effort of holding up a fish almost as long as she is tall. That year, and so many years since (and probably even before, but that’s the first one I remember), my family has gone Up North for our summer vacations. Minnesotans all talk about The Cabin, on The Lake, as if northern Minnesota’s all one big lake. Ours is at one of a couple resorts about six hours’ drive from our outpost at the southern edge of the state, near Bemidji for a few years but mostly on a much more remote lake with the imaginative name of Big Sand Lake, distinguishing it from the hundreds of regular Sand Lakes among the way-more-than-10,000 in Minnesota), which is an hours’ drive from the nearest town of any size and several miles from anywhere you can even get a pint of milk or fill up your gas tank, though you can buy live bait much closer. Priorities, eh? Today I woke up at six o’clock, thinking that if I was with my parents I’d be up about that time. We start early. I know just how it would go. We always drive to the other side of the Cities before we stop for breakfast, always the same truckstop with its giant attached shop full of Hank Williams cassettes and souvenir t-shirts with big cartoony pictures of mosquitos declaring them to be MINNESOTA’S STATE BIRD and bumper stickers that say “I’d rather be fishin’!” Full of maple syrup and biter coffee, we set off again, slowly drifting away from the unbearably tedious AM sports talk radio station my dad likes so he starts trawling for a good oldies station which always ends up having a name like “96.9... The Loon!” We stop somewhere for gas and are allowed the luxury of pop in the car, my dad getting grape or orange soda, my mom getting a 7Up she’ll only drink half of and that only after it’s gone warm and flat, my brother and I guzzling ours down. Then we go back to the MagnaDoodles or Walkmans, depending on how old we are. That’s where I want to be today. Even if I don’t have a Snoopy fishing pole to pack, this time. | ||
| Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 04:22 pm (no subject) | |||
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Current Mood:
I've convinced myself that V needs a kitty buddy... Look at some of the cute cats that need homes in our area. devious      All of the above kitties fit my requirements: female, adult, short hair. Unfortunately, the other requirements can't be found online : likes/ does not run from dogs and the husband is not allergic too. Why do I feel like I'm walking down a very narrow, dangerous path? | ||
| Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 02:32 pm The cellar is a death trap! | |||
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Current Mood:
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) amused | ||
| Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 12:12 pm On And On Til The Break Of Dawn... | |||
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| Nope, no full update as of yet...Life is still too busy post-CVG... However, I've got a last minute gig update!! Performing with the "dangerous" Trevor Hartman @ Kip's TONITE 8pm - Midnight FREE Located at the Marriot in St. Louis Park Information: http://www.kipspub.com/contact.asp If you need to be entertained (I mean, REALLY need to be entertained), come on by! | ||
| Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 10:13 am (no subject) | |||
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The great residency search has been broadened in geographic area due to a limited number in the Midwest. The problem? Trying to figure out where I might be happy for 5-7 years is hard. Vacation and sightseeing is one thing; there's no promise of commitment there. Obviously the expected locations are at the top of the list, but when it comes down to comparing grapefruit and tomatoes, it gets hard. Which is better - a small city in the middle of nowhere that is closish to family and friends, or a large city with more opportunities and culture that is far away? | ||
| Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 09:48 am Friday | |||
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| Went shopping. Bought dresses. Plural! One is very not-black! And shoes! With sparkle-things on them, even. Weird. I have no accessories to match. Hmm. Today it was insanely difficult to wake up, and my throat hurts. Maybe all that lounging around in bed was really good for me... I'm glad it's Friday. Looking forward to sleeping in late in my own bed, and playing some Wii with my favorite brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law this weekend. :D | ||
| Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 05:46 am spell "prescriptivizm" with a 'z', okay | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 01:59 am From Twitter 07-09-2009 | |||
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